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Love Story #1956
Love is to set free
by Faye b.
I love this guy so much...he was my world, my sunshine, and my life. We were so Happy together..Everytime I'm with him, it feels like only us exist in this world. Everyday We spent together was special; It was unforgettable. Sometimes it's too hard to understand, why such near to be perfect relationship needed to end. "It's unfair!!!" my conscience always telling me. "Ouch!!! It hurts" my heart always complained. "I'm getting tired of shedding tears!!!" my eyes mumbled. "I'm useless and numb!!!" My head whispered. Reconstructing every memory we shared makes me cry and it brings back the same degree of pain when he left...without saying anything. I remember that night...sky so bright. 3 months before the wedding; we were arguing about something, something I can't remember or probably something I don't want to remember. He's telling me something while holding my hand and looking at me straight in the eyes. "I don't want to get in between U and Jay" (my fiancé's name). He was crying explaining, actually we were in tears talking for the last time. "I love U" he added and kissed me so tender, so passionate, so real, and so sad. He embraced me so tight..So tight that it's hard to let go. I kissed him back while tears ran down my face. I felt the pain and the bitterness of saying and kissing goodbye to the man I always loved and treasured. After what seems like forever kiss, he turned his back then left. I cried and cried, hoping, wishing that I have something in mind..something that would stop him from leaving. I can't compete with my Mom and Dad..I must marry this rich, handsome, successful guy; I must marry Jay. Brian (my true love) knows how much I love him...we shared so many dreams together, like our dream wedding..a simple garden wedding, how many kids should we have and what should we name them. We were like kids arguing about where should we stay...it's funny how we argue about New York and Seattle...places that we haven't seen except in our imaginations. How I wish I can choose Brian over Jay. There were some questions left in my troubled mind that day as I watch Brian and myself fade from each other's life. I know how much Brian love me, how much he care for me and how far will it take him to fight his feelings for me, but now I started to question that knowledge I shared with him. "Why did he let go of me so easily?" "What happened to his promises, that he'll fight for our love 'till the end?" "What made him throw our dreams together?" Is the wedding the reason why he's saying goodbye? If so why only now?" I don't know what's happening right now. I am so confused to know why all these things, the marriage and the heartaches, are happening to me.
Days passed by. As the wedding day approached I can feel that I grew more confuse than before. I still remember Brian and I still cry for him even its been almost 2 months after he said goodbye and I won't deny it to myself that I still love him and that one day I know he'll be back in my arms.
After a few more days (now only 6 days before the wedding), I was awakened by those knocks upon my bed room door. I opened my tired eyes and looked up in the near mirror right beside my bed. I looked so different..I looked tired, I looked terrible and shallow. I walk through the door. I saw my Mom , she wanted me to get ready..we have to go downtown to get my wedding dress and meet Jay for lunch in their big (like castle)mansion. "Get ready Jhazmine..we have to leave early. I'll wait for U downstairs" I heard my mom telling me as she close the door behind her. In the store downtown, my Mom was so happy seeing me in that elegant, expensive wedding gown. "Oh Jhazmine, U looked like a princess" she added. I looked at my self in the big mirror...I saw someone...not me... someone very familiar but so different in that mirror I'm looking at. Tears ran down my cheeks. "Mom I can't do these!!" I sobbed. Everyone in that particular place stared at me, but I don't care. My Mom hugged me without any hesitation, not minding anyone..just me, her only daughter. My Mom loves me so much. I know she's hurt when I'm in tears. When I was young she's always telling me that for her what matters most is my happiness. Now it's my turn to make them happy...the only way is by marrying the guy they always wanted for me.
I was tired and weak, thinking of everything happened and still to come, but I still managed to meet Jay. As my Mom and I entered that mansion..I can feel that I'm losing out of breath. I held my Mom's hand looking for comfort...she just smiled. I saw Jay coming towards me. Jay kissed me, he must be so happy or excited seeing me. He held my hand. I looked at him..in his face I saw a sweet smile..smile that forced me to smiled back . Jay is a good guy, well educated, handsome, rich, gentleman, sweet, understanding, very down to earth and a very good friend. Yap! Jay has been my bestfriend since childhood. He loves me then and he loves me now..I think even more. Jay is not that hard to love...girls from our class are gettin' crazy over him, he's a hearthrob with a golden spoon in his mouth as they always say. He never took advantage or bragged about what he is and how others looked up at him or treated him. I can't say anything against him (flawless as they say) He's all that..except I don't or I can't love him back.
Part of my dream wedding came true...the wedding is a garden wedding though not as simple as what Brian and I planned. Today is the big day...I'm getting married...I'm marrying Jay. I was still in one of the castle's room looking at someone, who could possibly be me but not really me. I can't explain what I mean. The lady from the mirror looks like she's afraid, bothered, lonely..."Am I that lady?" I asked, but I was alone and no one answered. I forced to smile but instead, I begun to cry. The pretty face in the mirror started to fade. Now all i can see is a child...a lost child. I went to the next room where Jay's waiting for me...to walk with him in the aisle. He saw me crying as I approached him. He looked at me with such concerned eyes he was like asking me what's wrong. I cried over his shoulders. I felt his warm embrace, his comfort. He stared at me for so long then finally asked "What's wrong my love?" I looked at him...he's waiting for my reply. "Jhazmine, I won't force U to marry me and spend the next years with me not being happy and true for what U feel.", he added sincerely. "How can I hurt this guy who has done nothing but to love me with all his heart?" I asked myself. Now I found the answer; it's because I can't lie to Jay, I can't pretend that I feel the same for him when the truth is I love someone else and I want to share my dream wedding with Brian...my one true love.
"Jay we've been close friends for so many years. We know each other's secrets, we shared our ups and downs, we never lied to each other. You've been there for me since then. I know U love me so much and I'm lucky that U chose to marry me. I'll be happy to marry you only if I can pretend to love u back..but I can't. I'm sorry Jay but I love Brian. I should have told U the truth at first, but I'm scared..I'm scared that I might lose U as a my bestfriend. Sorry Jay..I'm so sorry." I was crying very hard and I was hurting deep inside. "Hush" he said "U don't have to be sorry Jhazmine...I love U so much and because of that I will set U free, but don't worry it doesn't mean we're not bestfriends anymore..we will always be bestfriends and nothing or no one can change that." Jay was in tears too while telling me these words " Just don't forget that I'll be here...as your bestfriend and as someone who loves U so much." We embraced and suddenly he kissed me...I didn't refused. After he kissed me I kissed him in his cheeks and hugged him while I whispered "Thank You" he held my face with his hand and wiped my tears. "Go on U can go now. U don't want Brian to wait for U that long" he said trying to fake a smile in
his face. "Thanks Jay..Thanks."
I went straight to Brian's place...my heart was beating so fast; I can't wait too see him and tell him of the good news. "Brian!!!" I called, no one answered my call...seems like nobody's at home. "Brian!!!" I repeated, still no one answered. I went to Brian's bedroom don't know but as I entered his room I begin to feel scared and nervous. I was in shocked, in tears, in pain, when I saw Brian laying on his bed..Saying nothing. I went beside him touched his hand and feel it on my face. He looked at me with such lonely eyes, that same look that I saw in him the night he said goodbye. "Brian, I'm here now...I'm free" I whispered. He looked at me with tears flowing in his eyes...with his remaining strength, he pulled me back into him and kissed me...with the same passionate, real and warm kiss but this time it's sweet not bitter, it's a kiss overflowed with love. After that breath taking---long kiss from him...he smiled at me and close his eyes as he enters the depth of his death. My true love is gone..My Brian is dead. I cried for a while, but then I saw the smile in his face. He died happy..happy that I'm back and will never let go of him again...He's gone physically but will always be present inside my heart..My soul..My mind. I don't know what caused his death...I just found out he had cancer. I remembered those questions left on my mind the day he said goodbye, now I found the answers. Brian don't want me to know he's sick and dying, he want to leave me taking good care by someone who really love me (like Jay), and He indeed loves me, so much. Now I know why all these things happened yet I don't have to say Goodbye to him, I never did and never will.
Notes From The Author:
You may e-mail me with any comments about my story.
I hope this story inspire everyone to believe that there's a whole lot of hope for love in everyone's heart. That in the end, no matter where love lead us. Our heart will return to its home; the place where it belongs.
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